ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
