Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize