I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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