Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
