At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
