Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
