What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
