im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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