Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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