my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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