it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
