8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We named our party play list daddy issues
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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