good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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