I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
