i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
