just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is my gift to your gina
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
