I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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