Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
