I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
