i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize