"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
