Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
