you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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