She's JV to your varsity
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
