i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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