I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
