I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
