Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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