Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
