There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
