The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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