Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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