Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
