I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
