yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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