It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize