new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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