In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
