Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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