I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
