Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
