My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
