Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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