So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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