did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
