I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
