I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize