Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
