went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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