a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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