Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
