You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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