But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize