When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
