I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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