All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
