Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I just sharted jello shots
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