booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
