I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
