Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
