Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
