Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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