Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
