I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
