Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize