Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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